In 15 days, I will officially be in my 30s. I’m turning 31 on March 2nd and will be forced to then say, “I’m in my 30s.” Turning 30 wasn’t a big deal for me really. I didn’t have any sort of emotional collapse over leaving my 20s behind, but the idea of being 31 is kind of surreal to think about. Over the course of this past year, I can honestly say I’ve felt my body getting older and that is somewhat depressing, ya know? Regardless, you won’t find me clinging to my youth or fighting the signs of aging. Age really is nothing but a number, especially when it comes to the mind… and the soul.

Current Mood: Balanced

I’m sitting in the Tampa International Airport awaiting my return flight to DC. I wish I could be here longer. The weather has been beautiful! It was 75 degrees on Christmas day! The temperatures all week have been amazing. I wish I could say I got a tan but I didn’t go anywhere to make that possible. I really wanted to go to the beach but my best friend had to work so we couldn’t fit in the hour and a half drive.

Unfortunately, I had to draw some serious lines with someone while here, which is never fun to do. She’s a good friend of my best friend and she’s great to be around, but apparently thought some “other” fun with her was going to be incorporated into my visit. She said beforehand that she wasn’t looking for anything to happen, but it seemed as soon as I arrived she went into ultra flirt mode. Ugh. Ok, so I’m an incorrigible flirt… when I like someone, but when I’m afraid the wrong message may be conveyed - like I was with her due to past incidents - I pull back and become a little standoffish and my abruptness becomes more pronounced. I have no doubt she got the hint, but that was after she spent two nights sharing the same bed as me and making little comments she obviously hoped would change my mind. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep all that well those nights.

I haven’t made any new year’s resolutions, really. I hardly ever do. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink too much, and trying to make weight loss resolutions never worked for me. The next four months at my job are going to be crucial for me, though. That’s what is left in my six month probationary period, then they’ll decide if they want to keep me. I’ve got some difficult tasks ahead of me there, too.

I was just asked by a foreign couple with a baby to watch their luggage so they could go to the restroom. Is it wrong that I said I didn’t feel comfortable? I feel a little bad for telling them no because I’m sure they just didn’t want to lose their seats. But with all the crazy stuff happening at airports nowadays, I don’t want to take that responsibility. They already left their bags unattended for several minutes earlier, which we all know is a no-no. I’m kind of surprised they asked me this time. Of course their empty seats were taken almost immediately as soon as they left. That makes me feel even worse.

I don’t think I’ve ever uttered the words, “I can’t wait for the holidays.”

Mostly this is because I’ve never been the family type. Given my upbringing, you’d understand. Brief history: my father was an alcoholic abusive bastard and my mother is a self-absorbed bitch. The nurturing a child so desperately needs simply wasn’t provided me, so I was forced to grow up quickly and nurture myself as best as possible. I think I turned out all right, all things considered.

But, I’m sure you can see why things like, “home for the holidays” have never tugged my heartstrings, right?

I’ll be spending Thanksgiving with my sister, and I’m really looking forward to this considering I haven’t seen her or my niece and nephew in six years. I’m not proud of that by any means, but I hope to start making up for lost time.

My best friend, Rich and I are now planning to spend Christmas together, which we have never done. Rich is like my brother. We’ve known each other for 15 years, so he is definitely family.

Since my new job closes its offices the week between Christmas and New Year’s, I thought a visit to Florida would be a nice idea. Initially, I told Rich I’d be happy to come after the 25th so he could do the family thing, but he responded with:

I think it would be great to spend Christmas together. We could even
go ALL out and make a pallet in the living room floor in front of the tree
and sleep in front of the tree with the lights on and Christmas music - be
all sentimental - and, we could cook Christmas dinner together. I would
love that.

Me being the emotional fool I am… got all teary-eyed reading that.

I really can’t wait for the holidays.